The McKinsey Files

It’s a hot topic in an election year, the president just “came out” in support of it, and two very close friends of mine announced there engagement a few days ago.  Homos seem to be rejoicing in matrimony all over the place lately. 

There’s a big part of me that finds joy in this.  Thinking about it earlier, I was brought back to my senior year of high school, watching a super awkward baby-dyke me give a shaky presentation in my government class about the Defense of Marriage Act.  I only really remember the end, when I took a deep breath and said I’d chosen the topic because I am gay.  I turned to a classmate I’d known since my first day of kindergarten and said, “Danny, we’ve known each other since the first day of kindergarten.  We’ve grown up together.  Would you really deny me the right to love, to equality?”  The very next day, my home state of Massachusetts made history by announcing same-sex couples had the right to wed.

In the ten years since I came out, I’ve experienced a fuck of a lot.  I’ve grown tremendously, feeding off of the love and humor and intelligence of my friends and lovers.  Along the way, there was a shift in my perception of the institution of marriage.  Part of this was from years of women’s studies courses.  Part was from examining the people around me, in my family, in the media, in history and how marriage itself has evolved and functioned.  It always cracks me up when some right wing assclown espouses the long history of marriage, some claiming it going back as far as 5,000 years.  What they fail to accept is that while marriage has been documented throughout much of history, its meaning constantly changes based on culture, the passing of time.  For some it’s a matter of economy, plain and simple, a marriage being a way to merge families and resources for better survival.  In some cultures, the woman is the head of the house.  In others, a man can have multiple wives.  Forty years ago, interracial couples were not allowed to marry in this country.  Just forty years ago. So, who’s to say gays aren’t just the next evolution?

The thing that I really worry about is marriage equality becoming so strong a focus for the gay community that we lose sight of the bigger picture, of the other things we need to be fighting for.  It took the rising publicity of GLBTQ teen suicides last year to shake us from our glittery marriage fog, and now that this year’s election is fast approaching, the clouds seem to have descended over our heads again.  We can’t lose sight though.  Let’s face it, marriage rights are couple’s rights.  They are there to protect the rights of two people, extending in most cases to include children. 

But what about everyone else?  What about our teenagers, who still face bullying in school and pressure from friends and family?  Or the horrific treatment of GLBTQ people in the prison system?  How about the states where someone can still be fired simply for being gay?  Or those where openly gay people can’t adopt children?  What about the overwhelming number of queer youth who are homeless, living on the streets with little more than the clothes on their backs? 

If you’re in love, if you believe in marriage and want it for yourself…Awesome, I support that and wish you happiness.  Just, please, one and all, remember there’s a bigger picture.